Success' Love

I immerse myself in a romance w/success.

It knows no bounds in its intimacy.

I'm only limited by my own acts.

The lie of wanting anything escapes me.

We have a difficult relationship.

A love hate of sorts.

The roses I throw at success are self-serving indeed.

Making my advances feel amazing.

Our romance allows me to feel alive.

I exude my love for success daily.

It's within my smile, my walk, and my tone of voice.

It bleeds from my veins when I'm caught climbing over the barbed wire fences of struggle between us.

My life's purpose has told a story of nothing else.

The inevitability of our legendary affair.

Oh the times we've shared.

Success, mmm.

She is my trophy wife.

But alas, at the end of our rocky road, am I truly fulfilled...?

The Black and Brown Branches

SO... upon having a long and intelligent conversation, which unfortunately doesn't happen as often as I'd like it to, a few great open-ended questions came to light that I thought deserved some attention that they don't seem to get at all.

Being black, and/or of African descent there's a lot of things that I take pride in as far as my ancestral history. There are several things that I feel that I should know and always push the back of my knees in order to lift up each leg and give me the inertia necessary for the essential next steps in my life. There are a few things that I should keep on my conscious as a protective shield for my ego and physical well-being as I constantly venture into the world and grow as an individual that loves the inescapable fact of learning something new everyday.

Having said that I have taken notice to certain disturbing behaviors of my people. To address this behavior I ask this question: When was the struggle declared over? I know we all may seem to be in a time of peace and serenity to those with their proverbial hands over their eyes and ears, but we aren't. "The more things change, the more they stay the same (Alphonse Karr 1808-1890)." Times are just as hard if not worse. We have progressed since the inauguration of our first black President of these United States, but that doesn't mean that there still isn't an immense amount work to be done. We're in a "Now what?" state so-to-speak. Yes we proved something but that doesn't mean we have permission from anyone past or present to act a damn fool and forget that once we set our standard that we have to continue to live by it and excel even further than we already have. We are climbing that ever scaling ladder to the top.

Another topic that needs to be addressed is "the hype." Why is it that the causes for the new generation always consist of hype? There was a tremendous surge of hope and promise in the movement to get our current president into office. This movements was lead by color but backed by a generation of all races along with a society that wanted less perspiration and more innovation in their government. But the fact of the matter is there are still countless numbers of issues plaguing our community that require immediate attention. These issues cannot fall on the back off one man. Granted the man whom we lay most of our trust and faith in this country would be ideal to entrust some of these issues to be changed but that's an impossibility. Although he is admittedly fully aware of who he is and what his presidency means to our race, it doesn't necessarily mean that he can take care of things right away or that he is ignoring them by not mentioning any given imperative issue facing the black community on a regular basis. He's just one man. And his election shouldn't just be the cause for us to stop working, but rather the symbol that we can work our way to any height and haven we see fit. But the level of difficulty is nothing to be sniffed at.

The acceptance of mediocrity. The ordinary ignorance's that seem to be stamped with black culture. The word ghetto: black. When did that ever become OK? Why is it accepted that impoverished areas and lives filled with crime/drama be instinctively associated with the black culture? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills at times when I witness the negative portrayal of African-Americans and it being brushed off as some sort of a comic relief! Yes, I find things like the news interview of Antoine Dodson very humorous. But when all the laughing is over and done with, I reflected, and I felt embarrassed. We as a people may laugh w/Mr. Dodson and embrace him, but there are people outside of our circle who are laughing at us, or see that as expected behavior and classify his response and intelligence as that of the majority. Some people never get a better understanding of a culture different from their own besides what they see on their TV screen. There's no way to change what people see and accept as another culture's general behavior and consistencies, however, we can provoke and unrecorded and unpainted image of our likeness that will reverberate eternally. So when do we say when?! Ugh!! Its so frustrating to be so close to a revolution and be just as close to self-destruction at the hands of an explosion of laughter.

You may or may not have seen this one coming... Hip-Hop....
There are so many embarrassments to speak of, where do I begin? Nicki Minaj's low self esteem and highly coveted vagina or the misguided and glorified ghetto. Nicki is very talented, to deny that would be foolish and just plain wrong. She's a talented woman who exploited the "sex sells theory" for all its worth. It's just a shame that while struggling for stardom she's pulling down some of our youth with her fake views of perfection and perceptions. When did being a black barbie become more of what you aren't and should be? Why is it OK for the rest of us to accept this lack of identity? And as far as the ghetto is concerned, we should all be concerned. There is no reason to take such pride in a place that everyone should be trying to escape and only return to help change. AND, Exactly when was it O.K. for one of the prized gems of our culture to be tarnished with hints and stains of the Illuminati? Why is it OK for rappers to publicly fight their daemons and no one say anything about it? Is it because we are lacking the education on the subject that we are ignorant to the facts that are depicted on the videos and lyrics on a day-to-day basis? We see artists such as Tupac reference his daemons through Makaveli. Jay-Z, Kanye West, Snoop Dogg, all have succumbed or fallen victim to these daemonic practices and representation. Its baffling how we see these public figures trying to fight these certain aspects that have seemingly come into their lives through the fortune of their careers and no one seems to have a problem with it. We hear the usual babble from our local baptist church about false idle worship and minutes later we find ourselves rocking to a song in the radio after giving out tithes and offerings.
For instance, think of correlations between the church and the concert atmosphere. When in church you are filled with such a jubilant light that it causes you to cry out the lords name and give praises and money. Your hands go flailing into the air. Now, think about your last concert event. Were you not calling out the artists name, screaming it at the top of your lungs perhaps? What light were you filled with when you cry out their names I wonder. And you certainly gave money on the way in. You might have made more of an offering to their fan base by buying a t-shirt to wear out in the public. Did they tell you to put your hands in the air and you INSTINCTIVELY followed suit with the rest of the crowd? Hm, the duality of each atmosphere is interesting, is it not? Let's just be glad you didn't go to the concert and take part in something that parallels to communion....

I wouldn't feel right if I didn't mention the our communities health issues. Black people are genetically susceptible to more cases of disease than any other race. This being an unfortunate fact leads cannot be debated. But what can be debated and questioned is the reasoning behind the black community (only makes up about 12.9% of the US population according to the Census Bureau) account for almost 80% of our populations known HIV infections, and 60% of those said cases are black women? I know that if you are a sensible individual that these FACTS have to be somewhat of an unsettling thing to know and/or discover. And in most cases its preventable. THAT, I believe is one of the scariest factors. In most cases these infections are directly related to poverty, poor education and race. If there were ever a time to be proactive and revolutionary about something I do believe the time is now, and OUR HEALTHY LIVES should be at the forefront of the march. The fact that we are dying before we've truly lived is astounding. The fact that our babies are being told about sex earlier than they are being told about their high school diploma's is appalling, and inexcusable.

We are at war with more than everyone else and their views, we are at war with ourselves. As I said I've had some great conversations. We have had such divide in culture but its only apparent to ourselves. There are different shades of black. I repeat, there are different shades of black. Not just the man you see walking down the street with his tighty-whitey's showing, but the man walking down the street with his custom suit glowing. We are not all or limited to the images of women cursing, calling one-another bitches or their men niggers. We are women of alternate paths and lifestyles, names and beliefs. Not all of us reside in as man & wife. There is the black LGBTQ community to speak of, and they speak loud and clear whether we like it or not. We are not only African-Americans, we are Africans who became American citizens with their different accent and family roots more directly related to Africa than any other black American. With all these cultures within a culture we cannot ignore the strength in our number and the fruitfulness in our diversity. Imagine a unified front of all these shades. We are already seen as one, yet there are individual groups that refuse to converge. Something has got to give for our unity to become more of a reality and less of a history lesson on what was.

In reality, are we spiraling out of control when we have so much in OUR society still that we need to fix? And who the F*&K said the struggle was even over? It seems we are blinded by the hype of the moment, or that song that seems to have a certain mantra of a mood, or an inescapable lyric that speaks to our soul. More or less we are as free as we always have been. Or maybe we're the masked prisoners in the slumber of a soothing Matrix, ruled by an omnipotent programmer who when we wake, offers the truth as the goddess of the underworld posted at the top of the Capitol Building in Washington....

We shall see, won't we?

~THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED~

....AND SO WE WAIT.

You Understand When You Listen

Why are we bound by distance of each-other?
We're already enough in visual recognition, we're lovers
Have we been given two fates that are linked
Is a marriage band something that could be on the brink?
We don't fight, so we never have to make up
And you never have to find another or put on your make up
Because we make up
What everyone else wakes up attempting to be
Woman I would give you the entire world just as a bonus
The Obama's can see our radiant love affair, and for advice to keep theirs alive, they phone us
We gave the sun its reason to shine
Our path so highly painted the Sistine Chapel depicted us on the ceiling for our union being divine
This entire event has already been scribed in time
You say you've lost your honest ways? Here, take mine
I'll live the lie
Ill burden a few cries
It makes sense of the punishments rained from the sky
If I cant keep you to honestly bless and beautify my world, then I've already died
If no one has told you, I'm way past love
I never have to say the word because I tell you the way the rock group Extreme does
If summer seasons could offer as much heat as you warm my soul with your words in seconds
Then every other temperature differential would chill my nature without your voice and blessing
Mother nature gave birth to you seeing as how you're a heat wave
I must have had a lapse in time and social status because in your grasp I've been a slave
I've only mentioned the word once but you know what I mean
Its written all over my face, not just on this computer screen
I can see the colors of your aura printed on my brain
Its the map of strategies and structures you've set up on my conscious and ego to keep me sane
Walking with such beauty on a day-to-day must be a heavy burden
Its the obvious group of whispers and rumors you have to constantly herd in
To not notice your beauty would be like Hellen Keller not noticing she breathed in the air
She doesn't have much to sense but she at least knows that that's there
Its a tremendous gap between your impact on me as opposed to what I see in others
What I say about you to other women has them asking me do I have brothers
It makes no sense to share the splendor we share under the covers
I'm putting my feelings on Front St. now, but that intimate aspect of us can simply be seen to the world secret lovers
Monuments were made with less of a historical significance
You embody all of my precious hope and my achievements deliverance
I'm a man without you, but with you I feel omnipotent
After tasting your sweet nectar, sampling any other id be nothing but impotent
I bring my thoughts together to strengthen what you don't touch, my last nerve
This feeling transcends all borders and boundaries of known relativity, its evident in every single letter of this verve

Holding On

~This was written in December 2006 but continues to be relevant, enjoy....~

My thoughts are flying spears to my ears

I try to dodge them in my mind but they’re all I hear

I need you in my heart but I baby I also need you here

I keep thinking about you, not wanting to

I’ve heard all I needed but not what I wanted too

You told me all I should know the first time, but this is time two

Needing you is not something I crave, something I’m stuck doing

My logic is the semi pushing against the brick wall of my heart and it’s not moving

You must think this is what I want in life, to keep pursuing

You’re pictures don’t fade that doesn’t make it better

You’re the fog that hasn’t lifted, the shadow in the desert

You’re the used car you can’t get rid of, although it’s been weathered

Baby, my lasting scar

The near that’s just so far

You always are just that glowing star

I don’t see you, but you’re there

I don’t feel you, but I don’t care

You broke my heart, I have a spare

The lie of my denial has so much truth in it

The places you took my spirits have only deep rooted it

I got all this to hold on to, now what to I do with it

It’s not about forgetting because that’s not what letting go does

This is an itch that needs to be scratched, but momma told me not to scratch just rub

There has to be so many better things than this within love

To my personality this is like an amusement park that had a bad weekend

You know what these aren’t tears streaming down that I’m leaking

This is love that I’m dripping out that someone else after you maybe seekin

Sweetheart I just cant let go

Is it true or just a burden I don’t know

Things went wrong so fast, is that why my recovery is so slow

With you I saw the night’s radiant day

So many songs in a different way

And all together a colorful coherence that remains in me to this day

You made me so high without substance

So drunk without the chuggin

And so full without the grubbin

Is that why im holdin on to this lovin

Being so high and hoverin

I never knew my subconscious could be so stubborn

Our love you had to take

My heart held too much and was forced to break

You had all the power to do that, but from this zombie state you can’t help me wake?

I need to figure out the lesser of two wrongs

Letting go or holding on

Wait I already know, because you’re in tune to someone else’s song

Get What You Want, One Way or Another

just found out that joanne is fulfilled and happy, and im very happy for her :)

Accident of Destiny

In the midst of an already confusing life, it's possible to meet someone you've never met and have it make perfect sense
Give a smile and let them see without ever showing how it emerges or fades
And then browse through the conversation
Frolic through the anticipation
A coincidence of conversation leads to a new friend, new object of affection, and new light in a smile once forgotten or tarnished from abuse of unworthy use
And to wait while getting a complete education on everything that theyre made of
Hearing what's in their heart, and on their mind, choosing every detail to listen to
Hearing, listening, and understanding. All that to be relied on with truth
Sitting back hoping to hear from words rather than a sound
Waiting to be reached by words rather than a soft touch
Nestling yourself into the blanket of potential and wonderment found in a rarity
Its all the same yet it feels so new
A complicated story of two, but a mutual intrigue makes the satisfaction one in the same
The two that happened to miss one another by a moment and by the turning of a page
And yet, they don't seem to skip a beat
Then pause, take a moment to reflect on a connection that's more tangible than could ever be expected
Witty intellect, sass, and playful charm that massages into any sensible being
Everyday its something new
Every moment is appreciated
Every time you are felt without question you are elated
An attractive smile and face engraved in the eyes to flash by from time to time
And the beauty in strength makes an impact
A groove
A noticeable indent in a heart once forgotten by emotions and affections
There so much more than meets the eye
Not judging either book by its cover is an amazing act of wisdom and faith put on name with only a few syllables with many letters of definition yet to be told
The choices are irrelevant, the interest lies in the decision maker
The past is neither here nor there; present is their presence in the present and that present takes precedence over anything
The only fault is having things not happen sooner rather than later
But as they happen now, full advantage is taken of any and all is all there is and will be
Not sure what it really is
Puzzled thinking if there's anything that could be
So living in this moment is the only commonsense move
Everything happens for a reason
People pass for a season
The choice has been made to stay and keep this sweet summer season
The thoughts reflect like that of the morning dew on the branches that drip and refresh the individual standing under the leaned branch in a simmering summer
Walking side by side thus far in hopes that it shall continue
Walking amidst a comfortable heat
This heat, can be shared, and was destined for two....